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Hey, who here remembers the scary busdriver bitch I ranted about a while back? Anybody? I have a new, hilarious bus story to tell today, and damned if you aren't gonna read it.
I get on the bus today at the usual time, in the usual manner, on a usual day. However, it soon becomes clear that today's bus ride would not be "usual" in the usual sense of the word. (Usually.)
"Hey, you makin' trouble on dis bus? You bet not make trouble on dis bus!"
In the back of the bus sits a new girl: black, braided hair, kinda scrawny-looking. She's dressed in clothes that probably came from Old Navy and steeped in an attitude that probably came from Eminem. (Kids these days, geez.) Two large black girls whom I've never seen before are sitting next to her are giving the occasional nod as she's conducting her sporadic investigations of passersby; this gives me the impression that they are her (ahem) associates.
The scrawny girl - let's call her "Lafawnduh" - keeps saying things along the lines of "bet not make no trouble fo' her today;" I assume that by "her," Lafawnduh means the scary new busdriver hag. When Lafawnduh gets out of her seat and starts getting up in people's faces, Josiah of the Greasy Mullet (who, much to my chagrin, has taken to riding my bus in the afternoons) tells her to calm down; she responds by getting aggravated and calling him a geek. It's at about this time that Aaron the Punk-Band Kid gets on the bus.
What you have to know about Aaron the Punk-Band Kid is that he is essentially a walking mouth. Seriously. I don't believe there's any sort of screening process for the things he says, which means that the things he says are usually either hilarious or retarded or some combination thereof. Today, he opens his eyes wide at Lafawnduh and contributes something hilariously retarded.
"Uhhh, you stink!"
This sets Lafawnduh off like a time bomb. Before you can say "virgin ears," she's swearing up and down about how she "don' give a fuck" and how "all y'all muthafuckas." If she had something else intelligible to say, I didn't hear it. The two fat black girls - we'll call them "Lemonjello" and "Oranjello" - snarl sympathetically.
Lafawnduh stews in her own rage for a while until the bus begins to move. After the bus drives literally two blocks, Lafawnduh and her cronies pull the stop-cord and stand up to get off. "Y'all jus' try ta give her shit today, y'know what I'm sayin'? Y'all just try to fuck with today!" And all of a sudden, Aaron the Punk-Band Kid pipes up: "Hey, why did you just ride the bus for five feet?"
If she had been dead silent, one could have heard Lafawnduh's hair-trigger patience snap like an anorexic rubber band. She wasn't dead silent, however. Shoving her way through Lemonjello and Oranjello, Lafawnduh has apparently decided that enough was enough, and is spewing out one long sentence that primarily consists of the words "nigguh" and "muthafucka." (Aaron the Punk-Band Kid is, by the way, white. Really white. Aaron is so white that he makes bleached paper look taupe by comparison. He is so white that he has his own punk band. Why "nigger" instead of "cracker?" It would have made her look like less of a retard.) After making some more comments about how she is "from the E" (by which I assume she means she resides in the East Side and not in a controlled hallucinogenic substance), Lafawnduh summons her cronies and takes her leave, gesticulating at us as the bus drives away.
Where is the busdriver through all this? Sitting in her busdriver's chair, grinning like an idiot. I'm telling you, the people the city will hire these days....
Tomorrow somebody should bring in a tape recorder and get Lafawnduh's tirades on tape. I would pay good money to hear all that again.
^And that ladies and gentlemen came from the mouth (or rather, text) of Samantha. All of it is extremely accurate. Anyway this problem is resolved cos me and damon reported her ass and she's off the bus *big smile* as we were walking to the bus she walked past us and went 'bitches' and then proceeded to cuss aaron out..again..when will these kids learn?? | 
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